We all need some comic relief right now, so let’s talk about bad hair days. Here’s mine.
One of my best friends is getting married in New York in black tie. — and I want to blow myself up. I’m staying at my aunt’s apartment and the nearest Drybar is a block away. I give low stars on Google, but I mean it anyway. “Don’t worry, it’s like McDonald’s.” I reassure my friends. “You pick what you want from the menu and it’s always the same.”
I am a witch of self-deception.
What if the bathroom is dirty and the entire staff seems deeply unhappy to be there? From the messy menu, I select Cosmo-Tai – a tousled curling act that makes you look like you’re in a teen drama (perfect) – and take off my glasses.
Cosmo-Tai model photos from Drybar
The stylist washes my hair and the water is ice cold. “They save money on energy costs. It’s so awesome!“I say to myself. She burns my hair at the roots with the blow dryer, blasting my head with the fires of hell. “Comfortable!” i think
The curling iron comes out, I relax and close my eyes. Then I feel my stylist sigh over every curl. Soul searching sighs. Sighs of grief, exhaustion, weakness. I know that doing my hair isn’t going to make her happy today, and frankly, it shouldn’t. A colleague passes by and asks. “When are you coming down?” and they exchange a short conversation on the subject. I want this to be over.
We all know this feeling.
“You have such fine hair,” she sighs. “I made it extra curly so it would last for the wedding.” He spins the chair around so I can see. The glasses go on.
In the mirror, a piece of abstract art worthy of a museum. Asymmetrical curls so tight that if you pull them, they come back cartoonishly boing! Others cringed a bit, as if caught by a car door. A snort erupts from the frayed centerpiece, suggesting I could stick my fingers into the nozzle to remove the tip. I gently ask. “Maybe we’ll take it out… a little bit.”
I tip 20% and rush out of there, snapping a quick selfie in the elevator to my aunt’s apartment. “So it explodes?” he asks from behind the iPad game of Rummikub. “Are you…crying?” my life friend asks worriedly.
No. I actually feel dizzy. The haircut is so bad it’s ridiculous. I wet my hands at the sink and try to tame the beast. Boeing! Curls are back! I consider a shower, then reconsider because of so much indifference. When it’s time to leave for the wedding, I pull my hair back into a ponytail, a few curls stick out like power lines, and head to town.
Famous bad haircuts Seinfeld, Mindy’s Project, Fleabag and: CHAPTER 15:.
I told you mine, now you tell yours.
Alex Beggs is a writer and author who lives with her partner in Michigan. Her articles have appeared in Bon Appetit, Elle Decor, and The New York Times. He also wrote Cup of Joe about meat loaf and: cold cake.
PS: Three CoJ readers get a haircutand: Janelle gets the haircut she’s always wanted.
